Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Day I was Born

It was August 19, 1999. I’ve always been an active person, had a life with friends and family around. I’ve had loving relationships and people who have cared about me. I’ve been in love a couple of times, but never like this. On this day, I truly learned what love is and what it takes to love someone truly unconditionally. This was the day that my daughter Alexis was born.

I was fearful of her birth even resentful, even until the day if her delivery. Her birth meant the death of the person that I knew myself to be. I was just coming into being a woman. I was 25 and recently married. We had only been married about 6 months when she was born. She represented pain, disappointment, and joy all wrapped up in this neat little package. I resented her presence because she came at a time when she should not have. As I said before, my husband and I were only married for 6 months when she was born, so obviously she was conceived while we were engaged. For me this was catastrophic.

My daughter was born on August 19, 1999 and looking back, I feel like that was the day I was born too. For the last 6 months of my pregnancy, I was at home. During this time, God decided to reveal many things to me. He revealed that my daughter was not a burden but a blessing and that this was one of the greatest gifts that He could have given me. He revealed that yes it would be a lot of work and an awesome responsibility, but it would also be and awakening for me. During my time at home, I developed focus and a vision for my life. He revealed that I could continue to look at her as a burden or I could look at her as the blessing that she was. He would also reveal that my daughter is a blessing in many ways but the first would be that she did not have Sickle Cell a disease that plagues many African Americans, even though my husband and I are carriers of the Sickle Cell trait. This was truly a blessed day.

Many blessings were to follow. He showed me that my life was full of meaning and purpose even though I had my doubts, that I was meant for more than I was doing with my life at the time. He showed me that if I trust in Him, my vision could come true. God and I have had an incredible journey together, but no moment has been as great as the day I was born.

I was born on August 19, 1999. I truly came alive, I became impassioned and shown that you don’t have to go through life aimlessly and uncertain about your future. I was given wisdom, vision, truth and courage on that day. I was allowed the opportunity to become manager of a small organization. I was given fuel for a fire that was lit in me many years ago but never realized until that moment. I learned what true love is and what true sacrifice is. I became a woman. I was born. I want to thank God for giving me this wonderful gift and blessing me to take a journey of discovery, understanding and wisdom. A journey that has empowered me and a journey that has inspired me to empower others. A journey that will take me to many places unforeseen. A journey that has awakened my soul, my spirit, my joy, my pain, my love, my worry, my understanding, my caring, my nurturing, my sense of self, my determination, my drive, my courage, my desire to do what’s wise and best, and my desire to be the best mother that she could ever ask for.

I wrote this when my daughter was about two or three and today she is 11. I could not have asked for a better blessing or be more proud. Even though I have made many mistakes along the way and have been unsure of my choices a lot, the young lady she is growing into being assures me that no matter what God is in control of all that I may mess up. I know that I am only a steward over this Great gift. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank Him for blessing me on this day 11 years ago with the greatest gift. I am truly humbled by how He moves in her life and by the fact that He chose me to be her mother.

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