Thursday, February 18, 2010


Today is February 18th, the day my daughter was born. She was born one year ago in 2009. She is definitely a miracle and definitely a blessing. She came at a time shortly after my husband and I had a miscarriage. On February 8, 2008, we lost a child to miscarriage. This child came to us just as easily as the two prior. We had no problems conceiving, we were happy about the pregnancy, and were going through the motions of pregnancy. Because we were old pros at this, we waited on going for our first appointment. We were taking for granted that everything was okay. We were moving with business as usual and not putting a real emphasis on this pregnancy… this blessing we were given. Then on February 8, 2008, everything changed….

I went in to see my doctor and she was pleasantly surprised to see me because we had just had a child in 2006. We went through the routine of the visit. They took my vital signs, they took my weight, they did the monitor for the baby’s heart beat…. The nurse did the monitor for the heartbeat, but she couldn’t find it, so she called in the more senior nurse to try it and she couldn’t find it. They then called in the doctor to find the heart beat and she couldn’t find it. I still wasn’t that worried because maybe I wasn’t as far along as I thought. Maybe, something else was going on because I had been feeling strange this whole pregnancy, something just didn’t seem right. After all of this, including drawing some blood, they sent me home with an appointment for an ultrasound in a couple of days. That evening I came home and I felt this gush of fluid. I went to the bathroom and it was blood! I was frantic because I was at home alone with my two daughters and something is going wrong. I called my doctor right away and told her what was going on, and as I sit here and I write this I can remember her words like they were yesterday, she said in a motherly kind of hush tone, “sweetie, you’re having a miscarriage”. After she said that it was as if the world went silent. The silence was so loud. After I registered what she was saying I began to bawl uncontrollably, you know that gut wrenching cry. She said, “ honey, it’s not your fault, I knew when you came in that something was wrong. It will be okay.” In that moment, it didn’t feel okay. It felt like I was being punished for something wrong. All kinds of things were running through my mind. She told me to allow it to happen naturally and then go to the ultrasound appointment in a couple of days that was already scheduled to make sure that there were no remains. I asked some more questions and she said, “if it will make you feel better, you can go to the emergency room, but there is nothing they can do at this point to stop it”. Whoa! Everything was spinning and I wasn’t really sure what happened after that. I just remember calling my husband, my sister and my parents. My husband must have been doing 100 miles an hour because he got home so quickly. I don’t even remember what he said. I just know he was in shock and was there to take care of me. Later on that evening, my sister came over to console me and just held me while I cried, all the while I was continuing to have cramps like I was in labor. Even while she was rocking me and I was crying… I was losing the baby. Needless to say this was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had in my life, the kind of pain that reaches down into your soul. I spoke to my parents and they asked, “do you need us to come?” I was trying to be brave and said, “no we will be okay”. My dad heard my voice as only a father can and said to my mother, “we need to go”. That night they packed up and arrived the next morning. Even now that feeling of unconditional love takes over me and makes me get emotional.

During this whole time, I was kind of like in a trance because I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t know why after two perfectly healthy children, we had a miscarriage. One of the consoling things that people told me during this time was, it’s okay, I had one too, it’s very common, and this is just a natural thing that happens. After the initial pain and tears, I really was okay. I realized that I was taking the fact that I could get pregnancy easily as well as the actual life for granted. I was grateful for many things. I was grateful for my husband and my family. I was grateful for my two daughters who were healthy and had no medical issues. I was grateful for the discerning spirit that God had given me throughout this time to recognize that something was wrong and I just praised God for taking the baby so early on. He knew how much I could bear. Even since that time, I have been able to use my pain and struggle to bless others in their pain. I have been able to give God the glory and for that, we have been blessed again with our daughter Aaliyah. As I said, she was born almost a year to the day that I miscarried the previous child. GOD RESTORED WHAT WE HAD LOST! Not because we had been so good, but because He is so good. He gave us back what was taken away. I am so thankful for her and her birth. God is a healer, He is a comforter, and He is a provider. He showed up in so many ways for me in that situation, from my doctor, to my husband and family, and the unconditional love they displayed for me just like The Father displays for us every day. He even showed up in the friends who shared their stories and support for me. God is able to restore what has been taken away. He is able to repair what is broken. I call this restoration day because my daughter’s birth is a reminder of the grace God has shown us. God is waiting to show that same grace to you in your personal life and in your relationships. He is waiting to repair what is broken and to restore what has been taken. We need only ask. Ask Him today to repair your broken places, your broken relationships, and restore what once was. Ask Him to reveal to you His grace and praise Him in advance for what He has already done. Hebrews 13:15-16, 18-21 15Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. 16And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. 18Pray for us. We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way. 19I particularly urge you to pray so that I may be restored to you soon. 20May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Decide that today is YOUR Happy Restoration Day!
This is a picture of our blessing helping mommy with the dishes.  :)


Caarne said...

I receive that today is my restoration day! This blog hit right at home, and I am so thankful for your ministry. Peace and blessings with love...

~In Christ,

Caarne White

Benjamin and Alisha Walker said...

Thank you Caarne. Continue to have faith, praise God in the meantime, worship Him for His mercy and grace and Today will be your restoration day!!!